15 Ways to Play your Absolute Worst in a Tournament

(Hint: Don’t do these things and you will probably play well)

  1. Resurrect Old Clubs.That 3 wood that’s been sitting in the garage all this time because you haven’t been able to hit it well for a while will, most certainly, magically work today during a tournament when you’re nervous and playing at a new place with new people.
  2. Wear new clothes AND/or shoes. Finding out that the cute little Nike shirt you bought last week happens to be too tight for you to make a full back swing on the first tee will certainly help your game. Also, topping the ball because your new shoes give you just that much of an extra lift to be a bit higher off the ground is an ideal lesson to learn in the middle of your round.
  3. Get into a fight with your spouse OR CHILD the morning of the tournament. Then leave your phone off all day and stew about it.
  4. Change your swing on the range just before the tournament. Of course, any changes you make then and there will be solid and robust. Just like cramming before a test that’s the best way to make the most of your time instead of getting to know your fellow playing companions.
  5. Do not familiarize yourself with the course or tournament rules.
  6. Place extremely hiGH expectations on yourself. Even though you make mistakes during your fun rounds that’s obviously not going to happen here even though you are nervous and it means more.
  7. Panic after losing one ball or having to take a drop. After all, all is lost once those 1 or 2 strokes are added onto the 90 or so others that you will take during the tournament.
  8. Try something you saw Phil do once. If he can do it on occasion surely you can do it whenever you want! Especially in the middle of a tournament round!
  9. Same with Tiger
  10. Start trying to fix actual problems with your swing during the round.
  11. Do not mark your ball. It is SO MUCH more fun to hit somebody else’s and incur the 2-stroke penalty.
  12. Drink too much. Blurry balls are easier to hit and everyone loves the loud drunk at the tournament. Furthermore, you can’t get a DUI driving a golf cart!
  13. Play really slowly so that the people behind you are hitting into you making you more anxious and therefore taking even longer.
  14. givE your teammates swing advice. You can play so much better when you’re not actually focused on your own game and how to do your best.
  15. Become angry when you cannot live up to your extremely high expectations.

 

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